Caring for a parent from a distance: who to call and what to set up

When your parent lives an hour away, or a flight away, the worry does not shrink with the miles. Most of it comes from not knowing who to call, what is going on day to day, and what you could be doing from where you are.

The good news is that a lot of caregiving can be done from a distance. This page is a starting map. Each section points to a deeper guide.

Start with a short list

If you only do five things, do these:

1. Talk with your parent about what help they want.
2. Find the local services near them.
3. Pick one person nearby you can call, and one family member who talks to the doctors.
4. Put the key information in one shared place.
5. Get the legal and money paperwork in order before you need it.

Talk first, plan second

Before you set anything up, ask your parent what they want. Help that is arranged over their head tends to go badly. Our guide on how to talk to your parent about needing help has conversation tips that work well over the phone as well as in person.

Find the local help

You can arrange more than you might think from far away. The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests starting by finding the services near your parent. In the US, the Eldercare Locator, a public service of the Administration for Community Living, connects families to local services for older adults, including the Area Agency on Aging that serves your parent's area. Elsewhere, see the country list below, or ask your parent's doctor's office or local health authority where to start.

Ask about the basics: adult day programs, home care, and case management. The Family Caregiver Alliance also suggests talking with your parent's physician, and with friends or neighbours who can tell you about changes they notice.

Services by country

• Canada: Health Canada says home and community care are the health and social services people receive in their own home or community, and that the provinces and territories organize and deliver them, so start with the province where your parent lives. 211 describes itself as Canada's primary source of information for government and community based, non clinical health and social services. Dial 2-1-1, or use phone, chat, text or the website. You do not have to give your name, it is available in most of Canada 24 hours a day, and in more than 150 languages. In British Columbia, Family Caregivers of BC is a not for profit that supports people who care for a family member, friend or neighbour, with one on one emotional support, support groups, health care system navigation and free educational resources. Its Caregiver Support Line is 1-877-520-3267, Monday to Friday, 8:30 am to 4:00 pm.
• United States: the Eldercare Locator, described above.
• Australia: Carer Gateway is an Australian Government service for unpaid carers, and My Aged Care is the national entry point for aged care services. Start at their websites for current contact details.

Build a small care team

Long distance caregiving works best with other people. A simple team might be:

• One person who lives close. A neighbour, relative or friend who agrees to check in, and whom you can call.
• One family member who speaks to the doctors. Having a single person handle conversations with health care providers keeps information from getting scrambled.
• A professional, if needed. A social worker experienced in eldercare planning can help you think through changing needs, according to the Family Caregiver Alliance.

If there is already a main caregiver nearby, ask what would help them most.

For a bigger family, the Family Caregiver Alliance recommends holding a family meeting to divide up tasks. A video call works. If opinions clash, see when siblings disagree about caring for a parent. To decide what you can safely share with relatives, read sharing your parent's health information with family. And if you are unsure whether something has changed, signs your parent is not okay is a good place to look.

Get permission and keep one record

Ask the doctor's office and the bank what they need from your parent before they can share information with you. Privacy rules differ by country, province and state, so it is worth asking early, while your parent can say yes.

Then keep the key facts in one place that the care team can reach: the medicine list, doctors and phone numbers, allergies, insurance details, and who to call in an emergency. Our long distance caregiver checklist walks through what to include, and the free Medicine and Doctor Sheet below is a simple place to start.

Medicines, the part that goes wrong quietly

Medicines are where small slips turn into big problems, and they are hard to see from afar. Two guides help here:

• What to ask the pharmacist about your parent's medicines gives you questions to bring to the one professional who sees the whole list.
• How to monitor an elderly parent's medications remotely covers ways to stay informed without nagging.

Plan for the phone call you dread

Our guide to the first week after hospital discharge lays out what to arrange.

Money and legal paperwork

The Family Caregiver Alliance's advice for long distance caregivers includes planning for changing needs early. Two guides cover the paperwork side:

• Power of attorney for a parent explains what these documents are and why timing matters. Rules differ by country and region, so a lawyer or your local public guardian office should have the final word.
• Caregiver benefits and tax credits points to support you may be able to claim.

Make visits count

When you do visit, you can sit in on a medical appointment if your parent agrees, look over the home for safety, and meet the neighbours and helpers. Also ask the local caregiver what would help most while you are there.

Look after yourself too

Distance brings its own guilt. Build your own support network, and consider respite services, paid help, or sharing tasks with other relatives, as the Family Caregiver Alliance recommends. If you are also raising kids, read our guide for the sandwich generation.

Where Cureva fits

Cureva is a personal and family health companion for caregivers, launching soon. It lets family members see a parent's medicine list and get a notification if a dose is missed, and it can create a doctor report PDF to bring to appointments. You can join the waitlist, and grab the free Medicine and Doctor Sheet now: cureva.app/free.

This page is general information, not medical or legal advice.

Sources

• Family Caregiver Alliance, "How can I help with caregiving from far away?": https://www.caregiver.org/faq/how-can-i-help-with-caregiving-from-far-away
• Family Caregiver Alliance, "Handbook for Long-Distance Caregivers": https://caregiver.org/handbook-long-distance-caregivers
• Eldercare Locator, Administration for Community Living (US): https://eldercare.acl.gov/
• Health Canada, "Home and community care": https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/home-continuing-care/home-community-care.html
• 211 Canada: https://www.211.ca/
• Family Caregivers of British Columbia: https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/
• Carer Gateway (Australian Government): https://www.carergateway.gov.au/
• My Aged Care (Australian Government): https://www.myagedcare.gov.au/